Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
