After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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