my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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