$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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