Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
