I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
