Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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