The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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