Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
