1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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