I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
