How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize