I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
