you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
