Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
