Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize