Don't you send me to vm
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
