Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
