:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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