I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
