two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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