Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
