my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
