Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
