i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
