Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
