Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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