i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
