She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
