P.S. I can't hear my feet
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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