If that was your dad, he is hot
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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