She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
