remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
