I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
only if we run a train.
done.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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