she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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