need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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