If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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