Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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