yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
