That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
