giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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