i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
