Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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