So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
PANTIES FOUND
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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