even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
