He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
