this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
