i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
