No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
