oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
