as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
