I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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