This dress was meant to end up on your floor
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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