You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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