You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
