This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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