woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
