So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
