her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize