My room smells like vodka and shame
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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