My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
