Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my phone needs a breathalizer
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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