I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
