As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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