Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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